roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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