I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
