I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
