Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
