there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
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