I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
