he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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