he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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