at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
