I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
