i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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