Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
