just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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