So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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