Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
