Just cropdusted the office
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
