i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
