my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
