Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
