Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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