She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
