I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she looked like the before picture.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
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