My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
