At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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