laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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