Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
