I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
