mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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