..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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