If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
