There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
