Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
