Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
