Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
