I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
