im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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