Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
