All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
