I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It's blow job season.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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