My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
