So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
