Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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