I have demons in me.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize