She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
