Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
