college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
