You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize