i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Your cock deserves a montage
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
