Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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