So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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