Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
