I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
