She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
