I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
