Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
