At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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