we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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