i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
this is an emotional support booty call
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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