trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
dude. I can hear the air.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
