there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
