i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
