he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
