May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize