This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
