I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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