I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
