I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
