i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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