Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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