Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
