i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
