my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize