so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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