I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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