also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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