I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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