My friends, they love my intelligence
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize