unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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