You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
