Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
