she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
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