the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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