I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
