The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
