There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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