Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
