jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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