My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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