I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
