He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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