you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
