your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
