I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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