haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize