and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
