life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize