She said her name was "party"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
