My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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