My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
