Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
