Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
