im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize