i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
