Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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