I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
