I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
