I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
