You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
