yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
